Family

I located my biological father's side of the family finally. I have wondered about them all my life, and I finally posted a request for information on a genealogical site asking for information on my father from anyone who may have known him. I had very limited information. All I could really add was my mom's name and hope and pray that someone from his family would know her and contact me. Sure enough, my half-sister's daughter wrote a reply and gave my brother's name and told me that they lived with them while my mom was married to my father. She gave me details about them that I had not mentioned so I knew she was the real deal. I have been communicating with my father's side of the family for about a year now. They finally explained to me why my father never tried to locate me or see me or anything. I am heart broken to know the things that my uncle did to keep him away from me. Knowing my uncle, I have no doubt about what they told me. I don't understand why my mom went along with all that he did to keep me from meeting and knowing my father and many other things. I am both broken hearted that I was robbed of knowing him in this life, and relieved to know that I am now in correspondence with his family. I cannot wait to meet them. I really wish I could have known him but life is what it is. I will get the chance to meet him on the other side.

Challenges

How do I want to begin this blog? That is a very good question. Well, I guess I just did huh? LOL Anyway my life has some new challenges to it that was just put upon us. Like where are we going to get the money to pay the bills, rent, buy food, etc... Yes, you probably figured it out now we are both out of work and he isn't able to start school like we had planned. I have been searching for any type of job I could find and now more than ever I need one, but for some reason nobody is hiring me. I was able to draw unemployment benefits but that was stopped so now we are faced with what to do. Although it seems really grim when I think about it, I feel strangely at peace with my life, even though it is Topsy turvy right now, because I have been blessed with everything I needed to survive in the past when things looked way grim, so now I have the faith that somehow things will work out again. Among other issues my puppy was stung by a bee today and she was so swollen after just a few minutes that she couldn't breathe properly and her eyes had swollen shut. We were so scared, fortunately my hubby called the vet emergency care and they said to give her Benadryl which thankfully helped. She is tons better now. That was $100s of dollars saved right there. See things do work out and she is doing well. I feel truly blessed even though everything seems to be going wrong. I still stick by my motto 'Life is good'. I am truly blessed.I just hope that my prayers for a job are answered a lot sooner than later...lol Keep us in your prayers please. Thank you!

Just thinking

This blog is full of random thoughts that I have been having. Nothing too serious. Like, The first one is I really truly would love to win the lottery so I can buy my mom a house in the mountains with some land, because that is her dream. She has given so much for me and too me through out the years that I would love to be able to give her that one gift. Then I think it would be wonderful for my husband and I to start having a family of our own. I would love to have at least two children before I am forty. I have been tossing around the idea in my mind about starting my own little travelling karaoke business. I would have all the equipment and songs and everything needed and travel to where ever the party would be and set up and play the music, just working out the particulars. I love karaoke so I figure I would love the career in it. I would really love to have at least 5 to 10 acres of land and a home of our own some day soon. All this comes back to winning the lottery jackpot, which I intend to do before this year is complete. :-) These are just a few of my thoughts.

List of things I'm grateful for.

This is a small list of things that I appreciate having in my life. I am so grateful for these blessings listed below and I will add to it periodically. Feel free to reply with things that you are grateful for if you would like.

1. my wonderful husband
2. fantastic family members
3. terrific and amazing friends
4. lovable puppy
5. Music of all types- Music really improves everything!
6. all 5 senses work properly
7. holidays and loved ones to share them with
8. the ability to continue to learn new things
9. food
10. money to pay the bills
11. a reliable car
12. being surrounded by love
13. my warm safe home
14. beautiful Christmas trees and decorations
15. kind, considerate people

painting

Yep, it's official, I am attempting to learn how to paint. I am a beginner, however I am having a lot of fun at this new hobby of mine. I am painting a scenic picture. So far I have the water, sky, and a mountain painted. We will see how good it looks when I complete it. Right now it is pretty hilarious to look at...hehe I am having fun doing it and I think that is all that really matters at this point. I will keep you all posted on the status of the painting.

feelings that are uncomfortable

I guess this is a journal of sorts for me so I really wanted to get these feelings out. Maybe someone/anyone who reads this can help me see another side to what I am feeling. I am thankful for everything that I do have in my life. I have a wonderful husband, playful puppy, great family and friends, food on my table, all my bills are paid, great health for both me and my hubby, a reliable, dependable car, and many other blessings in my life.

However, at this point, I am feeling kinda lost. I feel as though I am missing a very important part or piece of my life. (If that makes sense.) I feel as though there is something that I am supposed to be doing or have that I do not even know about. I try meditating to figure it out, I try praying, I sit alone with my thoughts, I write down my feelings, I have done all sorts of things to figure out why I feel as though a part of me is missing and I just cannot figure it out. I only bring this up because every day I wake up with this feeling that there is something that I am supposed to do and I cannot figure it out. I feel jittery all day even though I try to focus on all the good in my life. What is it that I am supposed to be doing? Why won't the thought present itself so I know what I should do? Does anyone else ever feel like this and if so what do you do to figure out the missing link?

Awaiting sleep

I sit here typing this blog as a way to try to relax so I can sleep. Unfortunately I am unable to sleep on my own without the help of medications prescribed by the doctors. I still have nightmares and cannot turn off the thoughts that constantly go through my mind as I try to relax to sleep. This has been happening since my deployments to Iraq. Anyway thank goodness for sleep meds, because without them I only get one to two hours sleep a night. I pray for the time to come when I shall be able to sleep peacefully through out the night without the aid of medications. I long for the night that I do not have nightmares anymore. That will be a pleasant night indeed. I know it will happen eventually, I will be patient until then and continue taking my sleep meds. :-)

The Holidays

The holiday season is upon us again. It seems as though each year seems to go by faster than the previous year. People tell me that it is because I am getting older, but I say its because I am having fun. :-)

Anyway, Thanksgiving is approaching quickly, and we are preparing for our feast. It will be my husband and I this year. We have planned to have our dinner, watch some movies, and put up the Christmas tree. We are excited to see how things go with the tree and the puppy that we have. We didn't have her last Christmas so it will be exciting to see what she does.

Christmas is my favorite holiday. Not because of the gifts, don't get me wrong I love the gifts, but I absolutely love the family time, peacefulness, love, serenity, and excitement that comes along with the preparation leading up to and the actual day of Christmas.

However, we will miss our family and friends this holiday season. We won't be travelling so we won't get to see them. Hopefully next year we will get to spend the holidays with family and friends, however, this year we are celebrating alone with our own little family.

A little note about grammar in my blogs...I apologize for the mistakes in grammar that I make while typing. Please try to overlook any mistakes in grammar that I make and just focus on the words written if possible. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my blogs. I appreciate you all so much!

Deep thoughts and questions

I have found myself thinking a lot about the universe at large. What would be our reasoning for believing that we are the only life forms in the universe? I mean, why isn't it possible that other planets have their own life forms inhabiting their worlds, just like we live in ours? And if we can bring ourselves to believe in them, why must they (in our minds) be dangerous? Why can't they be friendly and helpful? I also wonder what they would look like? Could they make themselves look like us? How much more advanced are they or how much more primitive are they than us? What do you think?

I also wonder about things such as space time continuum. What are your thoughts on this concept? Do you think it is possible?

What exactly is happening when we have deja vu moments? I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this. Don't hold back. I am very open minded.

Do you think that if we desire something with all our hearts and do not have any doubt at all, but complete faith that we will have it, that it will be ours? How does one achieve having the 'faith of a mustard seed'? Just that small amount of faith is supposed to be able to move mountains.

Thanks for reading these thoughts of mine, and I hope that you will respond with some thoughts of your own. I would love to hear what you think.

seeking a job

I find myself in the same unnerving position as many people in todays economy. I am unable to find employment. I have completed schooling to become certified in the medical field. I am now certified as a Certified Clinical Medical Assistant, Certified EKG Technician, and Certified Phlebotomy Technician. It is really competitive and believe it or not employers, for the most part, prefer to hire uncertified personnel so that they can pay them much less. It is very frustrating, but I know that I will find work. If anyone knows of anyone that is searching for any of the above mentioned certifications please let me know and please put in a good word for me. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me and send positive thoughts and prayers that I will find employment soon. Thank you for your support.

Life filled with love

My life is amazing in many ways. I am truly blessed and thankful for all the love, understanding, and patience my husband extends to me daily. I wake up every morning in complete awe of the peaceful, happy, content feeling within our home. My wonderful husband helps me to be a better person. He accepts me as I am and doesn't criticize or judge. I have a completely amazing husband, and I love him more and more every day. I am so thankful he is a part of my life.